Sunday, September 04, 2005

Restaurant Survivor

I came up with this yesterday when I was bored sitting around not doing the homework that I should have been doing...

The Fox Network Presents It's New Hit Show:
Restaurant Survivor!

Irritable guests nominated by the employees of the restaurant they frequent will be flown to a restaurant in the middle of nowhere where roles will be reversed.

The Goal: stay employed the longest to win the prize

The Pize: “A Year’s Worth of Free Food At The Restaurant of Your Choice” (see next line)

The REAL Prize: $2.38/hr + tips, and “the satisfaction of earning a day’s wages in the real world’.”

The Teams Will Be Chosen As Such:

The hostesses will choose five guests for the Hostess postion. The guests they choose will take turns working the different shifts (opening, double/volume, closing) and running the different spots (holding the door, working the board, running, misc. assignments). Guests who consistantly treat the hostesses like they aren’t there will become hostesses. This bad behavior includes (though not limited to): self-seating, ignoring hostesses until absolutely necessary to get sat, lying to get sat sooner, questioning hostess motives and choices, acting like hostess don’t follow rules or that it’s okay for them to break them just for you, etc. The hostesses being the first ones who come in contact with these people get first choice at nomination for the hostess position.

Guests who do not know how to treat servers will become Servers themselves. If they snap at servers to get attention (especially while the server they’re snapping at is with another table), yell at the server for something that is not the server’s fault, blame the server for everything that has gone wrong, make the server’s “poor” performace the reason to get the food free, and other such things will make a guest eligible for the server position. Servers of the restuarants will nominate the guests for this position.

Cooks will be chosen by the servers as well. Guests have been known to walk back into the kitchen and demand to know where their food and/or the manager is. Servers will choose these such guests as the ones who will become cooks. Managers are also qualified to nominate cooks as well.

Bussers will obviously be chosen by the bussers, and they may choose however they wish. Guests who are messy beware! Any children who are allowed to throw food on the floor, any guests mess up the bathroom, clog toilets, refuse to clean up after themselves because “they have people who are paid to do it” are eligible for the busser position.

Bartenders will be the guests that drink the most, flirt the most, are the most disruptive to the rest of the bar, and most annoying. Bartenders may choose whomever among their guests that they wish. Guests who are especially critical of the bartender’s knowledge/style/etc. are the most eligible as these are the worst kind of guests. Bartenders take pride in their job, nothing is more annoying than having guests speaking poorly of them while they are trying to make drinks for these annoying guests.

Managers are the guests that every employee in the restaurant wishes they could just throw out or refuse to serve. Every employee and manager may nominate guests from their restuarant for this position along with a reason why they should be made managment in Restaurant Survivor. The five guests who receive the most votes and/or the best reasons why will be come the “General Manager”, “Kitchen Manager”, and “Shift Managers”. They will all answer to the “District Manager” who is a real District Manager brought in to make the experience that much worse for those chosent to be managers.

How to win:

These new employees will be thrown into a busy restaurant (where the customers will be the employees that nominated them) and told to swim right away. Don’t worry, there will be two days of training before they’re on their own.

Every time an employee does something that is not acceptable for a restaurant employee (rude comments, snappy to the customers, etc.), they will receive a bad comment card. Too many bad comment cards by the end of the day and you will get fired. Thus disqualifying you for the grand prize.

All of the real restaurant employees will come in to eat every day as customers (payed for by the studio shooting this series), but they will get a different “server” each time. They will fill out a “comment card” after they “leave”, and rate their visit and level of quality of service.

They will be forced to smile when the guests make dumb jokes and outrageous demands.

They will take whatever the customers decide to dish out with a smile and say “Thank you for coming, we enjoyed having you here”

There will be a “Secret Shopper” every day to make sure that all of the employees are doing their job to the “company standard”. Too many low shopper scores and employees will be fired.

Customers reserve the right to do anything in their power (i.e. lie, cheat, make the server miserable) to get free food from the restaurant. Management must not give free food out to everyone that complains, however, they must do everything in their power to make the customer happy before needing to resort to giving them free food.

The employees of this restaurant (especially the “managers”) will answer to the “District Manager” who will hold daily meetings about food costs, customer satisfaction, employee appearance and attitude, teamwork, cleanliness, secret shopper scores, and anything else s/he deems worthy enough to rant about.

The managers are not allowed to fire any of their employees, only the District Manager may. The managers can put in suggestions, but the DM is in no way required to read them. The DM will take everything into account at the end of the night, comment cards, secret shopper scores, etc., before making his selection as to who he will fire.

Eventually, the restaurant will be running with a skeleton crew, making it that much harder to achieve good shopper scores and high customer satisfaction. This will also make the winner be selected faster and, as we can’t have that...

There will be one person on each team who is a current restaurant employee. This person will be a “mole” of sorts, and report things to the DM that he might not normally have seen. They will be instructed to make the jobs of their team members as hard as possible without lowering customer satisfaction, and they will be some of the last people to get fired. They are receiving no more pay than expenses for the duration of the shoot, they are doing it for the satisfaction of getting back at annoying guests, and believe me, that is more than enough.